cry baby

it seems to me that most of the people i know are sturggling trought their own dark nights?
is it the weather?...i dont think so
maybe coz were friends, thats why we think the same...hehehe
i was kneeling down in prayer last night, struggling in prayer...you know how hard it is to pray even if your heart do not want to...coz He seem so distant
i cried all night, man, how many buckets of tears do i have to cry just to end all these...
sometimes, i dont even know na why am still crying...basta i just feel so hurt and frustrated that everytime i start to pray, it'll be automatic that i'll cry also...
after praying i came across a bunch of my old downloaded cds...i found this cd that contains the song "bestfriend" by Puff Daddy...i remember how much i love this song back in high school...so i put it on the player and i started crying again...i listened to it the whole night till i got tired and feel asleep at around 4am..i woke up at 6am...my head feels heavy and m eyes are swollen...i still have class to catch so i got up and started preparing...
i got myself a cory of the lyrics of the song and read it over and over whiel inside the fx...i wanna cry again but i contained myself...that'll be too embarasing for me...
but really, if you'll ask me now why am i always crying...i dont really have a descent answer...all i know is that am feeling something heavy in my heart and i wanna unload it...

"Best Friend"(feat. Mario Winans){Puffy (Mario)}
I've seen a lot of things in my life
Alot of ups and downs
Made alot of mistakes
No matter what, you've always been by my side
You've always been my best friend
You're the love of my life (Oh)
You're everything to me (Oh)
You never left my side (You're my best friend)
I love you so much (Yes, you are)You're my best friend
{Puffy}
Since the beginning of timeAll you did was bless men
Too young to understand but now you my best friend
How could they doubt you, never think about you
Don't they know nothing's possible without you
Faith without fear that's how they raised me
Words of man kill but never phase me
Grateful for wisdom that you gave me
But still I'm like, dear God I wonder, could you save me?
Too much sinning, gotta be more than plush living
Gotta be more than grabbing nines to buck tin in
Gotta be more than just to lust women
Gotta be more than platinum Rolexes, 600's and crushed linen
Praise your name, I know some of them hate their due
Judgment day, don't they know they can't escape your crew
I'm just trying to live right and pray you take me through
And with this song I dedicate to you, my Lord
{1} - {Mario Winans}
Lord, you mean the world to me
Before I was born you chose me
You always hear me when I'm calling
Even catch me when I'm falling
You're the closest one to me
I surrender all to thee
I want the whole wide world to see
That we've always been and we'll always be Best friends
{Puffy}
Sometimes I reminisce and wonder how I made it this far
Because of you, I'm me, so you the real star
Your hindsight, the time's right to get my mind tight
Then give it to you and let it shine bright
My best friend, only know how to teach the truth
Plant the seeds of life and let them eat the fruit
Can't you see that He spread love for you
Shed blood for you, cry for and die for you
Willies with mac millies know how you get down
We know the drama you bring whenever you hit town
Just remember when you pray,
God is love Gracious, merciful, forgive even the hardest thugs
Life as we know it, it all begins with Him
Life as we know it, it all ends with Him
If I was you I would never try to pretend with Him
He might spaz and blow it, I'm best friends with him
{Puffy}
Been two and a half years since my man Big passed
Been two and a half years since my world crashed
I needed help, God gave me the power
Gave me the strength to go face to face with my darkest hour
Looked me in the eyes and ask "What you doing unhappy?"
"Don't you know why I'm here?" and started shooting at me
Back to the wall, is my faith gonna play out
Never wavered once, gave me no way out
Your time to die, don't even stress the date
You're coming with me, your soul
I'm next to takeI told him "I'm too much blessed with faith"
"And living for Christ" and then he said "Manifest the great"
All of a sudden, what I'm remembering
Ground started to shake, everything trembling
The power of the truth was shooting through my
Timberlands Here was my Lord Jesus Christ, my best friend again,
{Puffy}
You mean everything to me
You've been with me from day one
Even when I thought nobody was there
You were thereYou're my best friend
I love you like no other
There is no feeling like this in the worldIf you can relate to what I'm feeling
Thank you Jesus
You always hear me when I'm calling
Always catch me when I fall, yeahI surrender all to thee
I want the whole world to see
That you've always been, you'll always be My best friendI love you Jesus
Thank you, forgive me for my trespasses
As I forgive those who trespass against me