anger,resentment,confussion and lots of pain.
i wanted to die because they didn't seem to see me.
and i hated them because they're so involved with themselves.
i want to cut my wrist to feel the pain just to see if im alive.
they dont care about me, maybe if i die tonight they'll remember me
they'll take notice of my short existence
my head feels numb
my body's so cold
i woke up this morning and my whole body's chillin
i'm isolated from my environment
i've never covet death like this before

freaky saturday and riding in bus with little boy

When I woke up Saturday morning, light rain welcomed me so I told myself am off to a good weekend. I picked out my freshly ukay-ed tangerine jacket and off I went to my bestfriend’s house. as we near Baclaran, I noticed the rain to be slowly fading, when we reached manila… ola!!! No rain at all… I cant remove my jacket coz I’d look stupid on my really body hugging top so I decided… “panindigan ang jacket”
I reached Divisoria without getting heat stroke, good for me… its nearly 11am, the sun is killing me na. Kaya ko to! maybe I can just ask my friend for a top when I reach their house. When I arrived at their house there’s nobody in their garage so I tried knocking at their gate first, 15 minutes has passed still nobody’s coming out of the house, am afraid to use the buzzer knowing how scary/many their dogs are. But it seems like I have no other choice, the moment I pressed it her Doberman came running and I swear I screamed like a baby, second buzzer… here come her Dalmatian (told you cath, you need to get a bigger garage and cages too!) finally her brother came out of the house. he asked me to come in, but since I know that she already prepared the books for me, I just stayed outside… bad idea… it took him 30 minutes to get the freakin books. Imagine the noon sun sipping through my jacket…baskil na ko pag-alis ko.
I have to run to Shangri-La coz my friends are waiting there for me, I stop by ATM machine to get my last 500 pesos, after waiting for the freaky guy who tried his card more than five time the machine captured my card… L how worse can this be!!!
I only got 170 bucks on my pocket, what am I supposed to do. Be brave, take courage… hehehe! I asked help from a good friend. Without hesitations, she lent me naman (thanks talaga mare!). so nakahinga na ko, went to Shangri-La, I saw Paula, an old classmate we chatted a bit, then somebody called my name, I looked back and to my surprise, Mrs Rodriguez, an old patient of mine. I was so happy to see her there. It brought back lots of PT memories in me, I realized, naging happy rin naman pala ako sa PT at some point eh.
I met TJ at a health store, she’s buying health foods for her mom. We waited for jayzle, then we watched movie (House of Wax)… t’was fun, disgusting nga lang, scary? Hmmm. I had some screaming moments, but mas maraming funny scenes.
Anyways, had dinner at Cibo then we walked for a while, teejae showed us the watch she’s been eyeing on for quite some time, I think she wants to get some opinion coz she don’t know what to buy, Tag or Rolex (laki ng problem mo mare…heheheh! Joke lang)
Then uwi na kami. Man, t’was raining so hard. The wind’s scary pa. I thought matatangay ako while I was walking. I was scared na kasi baka baha na sa Las Pinas, but when we reached SLEX, there’s no rain, not even a trace of rain on the road. Weird!!!
Bagsak ako when I got home, I still have 7am class the next day so I decided to pass muna sa self review schedule. The next day, my head’s excruciating. I cant even stand, what a way to start my Sunday. I prepared myself for lecture. When I got to our classroom, I got myself three Tylenols and fresh milk. I tried concentrating on the lecture but my head is really bothering me, after 2 tylenols in 4 hours I gave up, I closed my eyes, nagulat na lang ako kinalabit ako ng seatmate ko. Tapos na daw break, the pain alleviated a bit, well enough for me to go on for another 1 ½ hour. After the lecture I went na to meet renan at mc do (q.ave), after few minutes, we’re joined by Manong na then ate lulu, happy, shello and the others. Were going to a small gathering kasi of our online friends (I-anonymous daw ba ang association)… hahaha!!!
We got lost pa on our way to Jay-J’s (kasi naman, tagong tago yung loc) kyla was there na waiting for the pasaways. Na-miss ko naman sya kahit papano, the last time I saw her was Christmas party pa. There were about 15 of us there, I heard her whispered “buti naman tayo tayo lang …. Joke lang!!!” crazy talaga!!! Hahaha!!! Halfway through our meal, ayan na sila!!! Magtago kana, isang jeep po sila… hahaha!!!
After that scene, I cant remember a thing na. Basta kuha na lang ng kuha ng picture mga people. We took picture of people, gagawa daw ng ID si master (asus, sa year 2007…hahahah!) t’was a total chaos, but I had fun. Kahit half of the people there ay di ko na kilala. Sila sila na lang magkakakilala (I miss the senior members)
Time to go home na, 5 times yata ako nagpaalam sa mga people coz hindi makaalis alis mga tao, paalaman ng paalaman! Anong petsa na!?
Finally, we rode a jeep going to edsa. Ate lulu needed to get something pa in their office, manong wanted to go somewhere pa, but am not feeling that good anymore (sorry talaga manong) we decided to take the bus instead of MRT, chance for longer talk. True indeed, for the first time in my life, I wished na mas mahaba pa sana ang edsa. Renan and I shared stories; life and family mostly. t’was nice hearing it from someone whom I thought hindi marunong magseryoso. Don’t get me wrong, I love renan. He’s my favorite kalandian/kaharutan! He’s my partner in crime, we play prank together, we get crazy on the street together, we even plotted how to drown cel in the pool together (hehehe!) but I never imagine having that kind of conversation with him. I kinda digged into his serious side. And am happy for him, it just showed na he’s growing up na. And am sure he’ll grow up to be a fine, responsible man. Finally hit home, now pinaalala sakin ng ulo ko na masakit pala sya. The pain’s back, even worse. But I just need to write this, hehehe! later on teejae texted me, she’s concern coz rain’s heavy in QC and she’s checking if am home na. Sweet no?! I was touched by that gesture. Ewan ba, basta this whole weekend has been interesting for me. It seems like God is telling me something. Maybe He’s telling me that I should count my blessings, and I should start with good friends coz that’s where am wealthy right now.

final countdown

It’s the American idol season finale and two of my favorite contestants are neck and neck. I can talk for two hours about Bo and Carrie but still I wont be able to choose my American Idol. Well, my point lang naman, I wasn’t able to catch the show coz I have class, huhuhu!! Too bad for me, or not… heheheh!!
Fresh news...America has spoken...the verdict!!!

the American Idol
Of course its not bad that I missed the season finale, I used my time wisely naman eh, I attended the lecture instead, not just an ordinary lecture… I attended an 8 hour lecture with Sir Sultan (the infamous Edmund Sultan as he always say). Hehehe!!!
Not to mention that’s just the part one, we have another 8 hour coming up today, good luck naman talaga sakin… we finished around 915pm last night. I wonder what time we’ll finish today. But of course that’s for my own good naman. The longer the lecture, the more information they can share to us, the more questions we can answer in the boards.sentiment ko lang, lately kasi we finish our lecture at around 9pm,lucky ka pa if you finish on time, usually overtime pa. umuuwi pa ako sa Las piñas which is about 1 1/2 hour from españa.i wanna get a dorm near espana, i told my mom about this already, NR sya, super...as in No Reaction. well that last time i told her nauwi lang sa argument at masakit sa lahat, sumbatan. for 2,000php nagkasumbatan na. ewan! basta ako na lang gagawa ng paraan.since she doesnt seem to care anymore
lets just talk about my 8 hours with sir Edmund...
Everytime na si Sir Edmund ang lecturer naming, I feel excited, I always look forward to his countless pep talk, which are inspirational naman, but yesterday was different… he was talking about the gender predilection of Rheumatology when all of a sudden he asked us if we were able to watch the Pinoy Pop Superstar Grand Finals, he talked about his favorite (Brenan), then he asked us one question that made me laugh (as in loud)..
“nakita nyo ba yung mga nag-award ng 1M dun sa winner?”
“yung nag-iisang girl na nag-award, katabi ng mga executives na puros lalaki at naka-americana/barong? taga-GMA yata yun?”
I dropped my pen and laughed, narinig yata nya so he looked at me… I told him I laughed coz the girl is from Coke and not from GMA… he accepted my excuse naman, the thing he wants to emphasize daw is the equality in gender nowadays… na wala nang masyadong difference ang men and women nowadays, women can surpass men, in any aspect… like that girl daw from Coke, he noticed daw kasi na she’s the only rose among the thorns that night. kaya sabi nya.."bilib ako dun sa babaeng yun kahit na panay ang pose nya sa camera"… and that made me feel so proud, I wanna tell him… “eh sir, friend ko po yung girl na yun!!”
But he went back to the topic immediately

Now that’s what I call showbiz… heheheh!!!
Anyways, last night’s lecture was so enlightening, he only did not made understand Rheuma Conditions but he also boost up my confidence. It heightened my urge to take the boards again. I made a promise to myself na, I will never (as in never), whatever the reason maybe… but I will never miss another lecture, no matter how boring the topic maybe, lalabas at lalabas sa boards yan and if I miss it, it’ll be my loss. I vowed on studying five hours daily. i looked at the calendar and man, i only got exactly 2 months before the boards. i need to be really really serious na. And I promised myself na kahit anong mangyari sa bahay, I will not let my studies suffer. I only got one shot, and I will max out on this one last shot. I will be like my friend on TV, I will out shine the men of Physical Therapy...hehehehe

place called home

I remember back in high school my teacher used to identify the word home with family. She said it’s a place where in you feel secure, you’ll find serenity and love. I grew up with those inculcated on my mind.

How come I cannot feel any of these right now? I wanna play make believe to myself, but I cant hide how disappointed and hurt I am right now. I thought am done crying na. How come there’s still tears, and even more than I expected. How come I cannot find comfort anywhere in this same walls that ive grown up with?
The moment I entered the house, I felt strange, I can sense a bad news coming my way. True indeed, I haven’t even reached my room to put down my bags, my mom started making sumbong na about my dad. I don’t know how to react on everything she’s telling me. Am not even sure what she wants me to do. She started crying in the middle of her story, I didn’t cry, not because hindi ako naiyak sa sinabi nya, I didn’t cry because I don’t want her to see me cry. The last time my mom saw me cry was three years ago, during my career argument with my dad, and I swore to myself that that would be the last time. So I kept my composure, I was watching tv while she’s making sumbong, but I didn’t made her feel am not paying attention.

Finally when I was alone, I started recalling every word that she told me, then I started crying (again). I was sobbing so loud that I had to go to the bathroom and hide, I hid there for only God knows how long. I shed every tears that I got. I sob till I got tired, stopped for a while and start again everytime I start uttering a word.
How come the pain never go away?
How come the hurt gets deeper and deeper everytime?
How come I cant feel that serenity that my high school teacher taught me? why’s my dad doing this to us? Why’s my sister making my life miserable? Why’s my mom so insensitive, she never even bother to ask me how am I doing in school?
(Not to sound selfish, but since I started with my review, nobody ever… as in ever asked me how am I doing in the review. Its almost a month now, the pressure is neck deep now and the fact that am in this alone is killing me.)
Why cant I even finish typing this damn thing without crying over each and every sentence that I write? My eyes are so swollen I can hardly see and my heart is so devastated that for the first time in my life I seriously thought about suicide. I have a whole bottle of muriatic acid beside me inside the bathroom. Its true pala what they say about near death situations, your whole life will flash right in your head. When all of a sudden I remember one conversation I had with a friend who was in the same situation as mine (the only difference was she planned to shoot herself). I remember her words…
“ how come when you were a teenager you feel like buong mundo problema mo”…
“now when am thinking about my suicide attempts, natatawa na lang ako”…

I cant truly recall why our conversation went that way, but that recall gave me a different feel. Whatever I have in my mind, I know its not good and its not the way out, I call myself a Christian pero what am I thinking! It brought me back to reality, problems are faced, hindi tinatakbuhan.
Then I thought to myself, sana someday I’ll just laugh at this. Sana someday, it’ll be my turn din to tell a friend about my suicide attempt, and I might end with the same statement as her …
“natatawa na lang ako!!”

but for now I cant laugh, I feel anesthetized. My whole body feels numb. I don’t know if iiyak pa ako tomorrow (baka nga mamaya lang iiyak nanaman ako). I don’t know kung maguusap naba parents ko tomorrow. I don’t know kung magiisip-isip naba kapatid ko at magbabago na. I don’t know! but one thing I know… had I not heard her story, I would be lifeless by now.

The day you said Goodnight

**blog title taken from my currently playing/favorite song/album/OPM artist, HALE

I think I had a long weekend. A group of friends and I went to cavite to go to a friend’s birthday, Swit. Its been a long time since I saw this gurl. I cant even remember when was the last time I saw her. Am guessing sometime in November, then after than I dunno na.

bahay nila swit yan (daming chimes at may chapel) hehehehe


So we went there Saturday, we went home around 8pm, I was expecting na may pupuntahan pa kami after that, besides ate lulu has been raving repeatedly about “starbucks tagaytay” sa glorieta pa lang. But we weren’t able to go anymore, one thing was cel and 9 need to go home na for some personal reasons. Although I think Jayzle still want to go with us if ever, and when teejae started asking where to drop us off, then I realize na were going home na nga. I saw ate lulu’s disappointment so I told her I’ll go home with her.
While inside the taxi, ate lulu was ranting about how disappointed she is going home early on a Saturday night to think daw that she sacrificed her office outing just for this trip. I cant hide my disappointment too, but I think she’s more pissed than me. So we decided to hang out at a convenient store in their village. We talked there for hours, mostly bout life (man, it feels so good to finally have someone whom I can share my burdens) I cried (again) while telling her bout the situation in our house, she gave me few points and I felt relieved.
We went home around 130 am, we got a beer each and decided to walk back to the house. Halfway through, we saw two guys who’s doesn’t look so normal so we decided to stop and ride the tricycle instead. We finished our beer outside before we went in but we didn’t sleep pa. She showed me few videos from their office’s outings and talk some more. We just realize that t’was 4am when I started yawning nonstop. So we hit the bed na, funny coz di pa kami nakakatulog when we both hear a weird sound, low buzz then started getting loud. we turned on the light and looked around, it scared me coz I left my laptop plugged yun pala t’was the alarm clock of their housemaid. Imagine, she’ll wake up na eh were about to sleep pa lang.
I woke up at around 9am, I was supposed to go home but decided not to coz I have lots of reading to do pa.
After watching SOP, I got a call from teejae, she’s asking about ate lulu and her text last night. I felt like I was hit in the face (twice) when I heard teejae said…”I was telling her how I had fun and enjoyed being with you guys then bigla syang nagtext ng ganun. Ano ba yun?di ba sya nag-enjoy kasi kasama nya ako?!”
Then I remember that teejae told us a story that happen in their office (wont elaborate na basta its not good) and knowing na nag-enjoy sya, I should feel happy for her diba, pero nagging selfish ako. I just thought about myself that night and didn’t even bother to reply. Then I learned na she wanted to go out din pala last night and she’s just waiting for us na mag-yaya. Hay! Honest mistake lang talaga.
Ayun, I told ate lulu about our conversation, pero NR (no reaction) sya, well not totally, she reacted din naman, pero nevermind. I texted teejae and explained to her what happened (sorry mare, di ako magaling sa on the spot kaya I cant say much while talking to you) then ayun, naiyak ako sa kanila. Kasi I understand both of them naman kaso lang yaw pa rin sya usap ni ate lulu.
I went home with that burden, I slept with tears in my eyes, then I woke up with a text from ate lulu. Natuwa ako sa text nya, she told me she’ll text teejae tonight (but no promises)
Kahit no promises, it gave me hope na she’s ok na. I just don’t want to see anyone na nagtatampuhan kasi. Lalo na sa situation ko ngayon, kaya nga siguro I cried while reading teejae’s reply to me. Hay! shallow hal ka talaga chellix
Anyways, marami lang sigurong nangyari this past few weeks. Either way, am still thankful for everything, coz everything happens with a purpose naman diba. And that purpose we have to unravel sooner or later.
here are some of our dearly treasured group pics

cry baby

it seems to me that most of the people i know are sturggling trought their own dark nights?
is it the weather?...i dont think so
maybe coz were friends, thats why we think the same...hehehe
i was kneeling down in prayer last night, struggling in prayer...you know how hard it is to pray even if your heart do not want to...coz He seem so distant
i cried all night, man, how many buckets of tears do i have to cry just to end all these...
sometimes, i dont even know na why am still crying...basta i just feel so hurt and frustrated that everytime i start to pray, it'll be automatic that i'll cry also...
after praying i came across a bunch of my old downloaded cds...i found this cd that contains the song "bestfriend" by Puff Daddy...i remember how much i love this song back in high school...so i put it on the player and i started crying again...i listened to it the whole night till i got tired and feel asleep at around 4am..i woke up at 6am...my head feels heavy and m eyes are swollen...i still have class to catch so i got up and started preparing...
i got myself a cory of the lyrics of the song and read it over and over whiel inside the fx...i wanna cry again but i contained myself...that'll be too embarasing for me...
but really, if you'll ask me now why am i always crying...i dont really have a descent answer...all i know is that am feeling something heavy in my heart and i wanna unload it...

"Best Friend"(feat. Mario Winans){Puffy (Mario)}
I've seen a lot of things in my life
Alot of ups and downs
Made alot of mistakes
No matter what, you've always been by my side
You've always been my best friend
You're the love of my life (Oh)
You're everything to me (Oh)
You never left my side (You're my best friend)
I love you so much (Yes, you are)You're my best friend
{Puffy}
Since the beginning of timeAll you did was bless men
Too young to understand but now you my best friend
How could they doubt you, never think about you
Don't they know nothing's possible without you
Faith without fear that's how they raised me
Words of man kill but never phase me
Grateful for wisdom that you gave me
But still I'm like, dear God I wonder, could you save me?
Too much sinning, gotta be more than plush living
Gotta be more than grabbing nines to buck tin in
Gotta be more than just to lust women
Gotta be more than platinum Rolexes, 600's and crushed linen
Praise your name, I know some of them hate their due
Judgment day, don't they know they can't escape your crew
I'm just trying to live right and pray you take me through
And with this song I dedicate to you, my Lord
{1} - {Mario Winans}
Lord, you mean the world to me
Before I was born you chose me
You always hear me when I'm calling
Even catch me when I'm falling
You're the closest one to me
I surrender all to thee
I want the whole wide world to see
That we've always been and we'll always be Best friends
{Puffy}
Sometimes I reminisce and wonder how I made it this far
Because of you, I'm me, so you the real star
Your hindsight, the time's right to get my mind tight
Then give it to you and let it shine bright
My best friend, only know how to teach the truth
Plant the seeds of life and let them eat the fruit
Can't you see that He spread love for you
Shed blood for you, cry for and die for you
Willies with mac millies know how you get down
We know the drama you bring whenever you hit town
Just remember when you pray,
God is love Gracious, merciful, forgive even the hardest thugs
Life as we know it, it all begins with Him
Life as we know it, it all ends with Him
If I was you I would never try to pretend with Him
He might spaz and blow it, I'm best friends with him
{Puffy}
Been two and a half years since my man Big passed
Been two and a half years since my world crashed
I needed help, God gave me the power
Gave me the strength to go face to face with my darkest hour
Looked me in the eyes and ask "What you doing unhappy?"
"Don't you know why I'm here?" and started shooting at me
Back to the wall, is my faith gonna play out
Never wavered once, gave me no way out
Your time to die, don't even stress the date
You're coming with me, your soul
I'm next to takeI told him "I'm too much blessed with faith"
"And living for Christ" and then he said "Manifest the great"
All of a sudden, what I'm remembering
Ground started to shake, everything trembling
The power of the truth was shooting through my
Timberlands Here was my Lord Jesus Christ, my best friend again,
{Puffy}
You mean everything to me
You've been with me from day one
Even when I thought nobody was there
You were thereYou're my best friend
I love you like no other
There is no feeling like this in the worldIf you can relate to what I'm feeling
Thank you Jesus
You always hear me when I'm calling
Always catch me when I fall, yeahI surrender all to thee
I want the whole world to see
That you've always been, you'll always be My best friendI love you Jesus
Thank you, forgive me for my trespasses
As I forgive those who trespass against me

when it rain, it pours

Am feeling weird lately…I really dunno why, ive been trying really hard to concentrate on my review these past few days but I cant…am even sure why? I have thousands of reasons on my mind right now why I don’t wanna continue, but of course ive been opposing those negative thinkings, easier said than done huh!!!
I wanna think of my parents as my motivation, but everytime I think of their situation, it makes things worse for me… lalong di ako maka-concentrate knowing that they’re still not talking…my mom confessed to me, she thinks may babae daw si papa sa Saudi, she got this suspicious text from one of papa’s friends at work…I wanna talk to titi= steve about that text he sent to mama, but I still haven’t found time.,..and besides, what am I supposed to tell him? “hey tito, you happen to know kung may babae si papa?” stupid question….
Another thing that bothers me is my sister…am still not over the fact that I hate her and I haven’t got my hand on her…not to sound so scary, but back when we were young, we used to fight talaga…as in nagsasabunutan kaming dalawa (ok, ako lang halos nananabunot)…kaya nga when I was young, my mom was so afraid na troubled child daw ako…but now am starting to believe na…I don’t think I would reach that point with my sister again, I just wanna shout at her face at ipamukha sa kanya mga kapalpakan at kalokohan nya
Then this afternoon my mom texted me, she’s not feeling well daw… its her nape…she woke up last night with her nape aching so much, she wasn’t able to go back to sleep…I panicked coz she used to have that pain before, we had it checked but nothing serious…but the recurrence is scary, so I told her not to panic and take a pain killer why I figure out what’s causing the pain…two things I found out: 1. could be torticolis (stiff neck) – due to poor sleeping habits
2. may be associated with vascular disease (stroke) – I have to check her blood pressure to rule this out
now tell me, how a I suppose to concentrate on this damn review with all these going on my mind…last night I kept on crying coz as much as I wanna read, review and concentrate, I cant!!! I kept on crying asking God, why now? Now that I want to make things right… now that everybody’s counting on me to pass the upcoming boards… now that I want to start plotting out my life….why?

Mother's day

I went home despite my hectic schedule to see my mom coz its mother’s day and I really miss her. Funny coz I think I passed hell just to be with her on this day
After answering 300 questions for PLE, rationalizing and realizing I didn’t pass any three of it. Class finished later than I thought so I wasn’t able to make it to church, initially I planned to go to church before heading home
When I reached the Sampaloc bus station the last bus going to zambales left already and I had to go to the other bus station. So I went to Monumento, man the LRT ride was crazy, was caught in the famous “rush hour” syndrome…gimme a break!!! It’s a freakin Sunday
While inside the bus my cousin maileen called and asked me if am going home. She told me my mom has been staying in their house since this morning, I asked why…my sister
Damn…I swear just hearing her name makes me go crazy
She had a friend who came over and staying in a resort, she asked permission from my mom to go to the resort. Pinayagan naman sya, but she didn’t went home that night. She did not even text my mom where the heck is she and worse of all, she turned her phone off. My mom was so freakin mad, she arrived the next day (Sunday) while they’re getting ready for church. Take this, arrived with her friend. When I found out who that friend is, it made me want a piece of her more. It’s geri, their new roommate whom I hate since the day we met.
So my mom stayed at my aunt’s place after church till evening, she just went home when she found out am near na. I pretended I didn’t know anything, I asked the usual question when I arrived (randomly asking about everybody). Then I asked about my sister, she paused for a while then said… “nasa taas kasama yung geri na yun!”
I wanna ran upstairs and slap her to death, but I stayed calm, am pretending remember
Then my mom started telling me what my cousin told earlier, and I have to admire my cousin’s accuracy on the story.
Anyways, so my mom was making kwento, she was crying while talking to me. It breaks my heart seeing my mom cry…especially on a Mother’s Day
She told me, she don’t know what’s worse, having her daughter make her worry to death and bringing her girlfriend home or not being greeted by her own husband. When I found about my dad not calling her, I was shocked, I know they’ve been having issues lately (marital to be exact), but I didn’t realize it’ll come this far, knowing my dad, he never miss any occasion, I know it coz am like that.
I stood up and when my mom saw me heading upstairs, pinigilan nya ako coz she what I’ll do. I was so mad at my mom for not letting me give my sister her lesson, one that she’ll never forget for the rest of her wasted life
She told me if there’s anyone who have the right to punish my sister is her and my dad only. I guess she’s right so I rest my case, but my anger still shows when I saw her I cant help but do the usual thing I do when am mad at her, I took off all the clothes in her closet and scattered it on the floor.
I hate her! I swear I hate her!
She has gone way over board, the worse thing has happened…seeing my mom cry because of her breaks my heart so bad I don’t think I can ever forgive her

feeling Christian and Passing the quiz

i missed my saturday lecture coz i already gave my word to Teejae that i'll go with her sa Gawad Kalinga, as planned last December pa.a part of me felt guilty missing the lecture coz i know maghahabol ako ng marami after that,but another part of me is urging me to go, not only for the experience but also my mind is telling me to (hehehe!wala nang reklamo)
so we met at 6am (actually,t'was supposed to be 5am)
three lang kami, teejae, jayzle and me.my plan was to sit at the back of the car and sleep the whole trip (coz am really tired and sleepy,my class ended at around 12mn).but jayzle asked me to sit in front,knowing how quiet jayzle is,i thought about teejae and the 3 hour trip,so i sat na rin in front (man,i miss renan during these times.hehehehe)
i hope teejae felt the my effort.i really tried to keep her up the whole trip kahit yung ibang pinagsasabi ko na talaga eh puro nonsense.hahaha!
finally,without getting lost,we reached General Nakar.it broke my heart seeing the mountains na halos nakakalbo na coz of landslides and logging.as much as i would love to apprciate the beach,i cant coz all i see is the chaos left by the calamity.i feel like singing...
"heal the world,make it a better place.
for you and for me and the entire human race"
of course i didn't do it out loud.we reached the building site,t'was a relief that there were few houses built already (maybe 10).but then i found our, 200 houses pala ang ibu-build...Good lak!!!hahaha
i never thought i would enjoy that much.from the building process itself, to the scenarios,to manang's halo-halo,fake sapa up to the (few) people i met...i actually enjoyed that one day
i especially want to emphasize the people.i was amazed on how friendly those people are.i mean,i literally dont know anyone from that place except from my two companion.but they've been very friendly and warm.meron pa ngang isang girl na super tagal naming nakausap,then we realized,we dont even know her name.ngek!labo!hehehe
all in all...i feel so bitin!i'd love to stay there and help more.i want to meet the locals of General Nakar and talk to them.i want to see more of the devastation so i can appreciate life more.
i just hope the next time they asked teejae,she would open it to us again,coz i'll really go

next stop.my dreaded tuesday lecture with Sultan.
since i started my review, even last year, believe it or not.i've NEVER as in NEVER passed any exam given to us.all are just almost,and i cant live with almost.i want a passing grade...
but that changed,since my aim now is to top the boards,i have more effort.and it shows...finally!!!i passed one quiz!!!hooray!!!
not only did i pass...i actually top it!!
hay!!!made me realize...kaya ko pala...wala lang talaga akong focus and hunger before...